Don't let your schooling interfere with your education.
~ Pete Seeger

Thursday, October 30, 2008

No on 8

There are times when you simply have to stand up for what is right.

I have embraced this issue before on this blog, but the issue then was abstract. Prop. 8 is specific and concrete, and it impacts human lives.

My legally married lesbian blog-friend Sara is in California to fight for marriage equality, and she wrote this beautiful, passionate plea.

When I engaged with opponents of marriage equality earlier, I asked them how allowing gays to marry would hurt them. None could give a satisfactory answer. They replied in abstractions – pointing to the dictionary, as if words on paper were more important than human lives and families. Or pointing to the Bible, as if their personal religious convictions gave them the right to make choices for other people, despite the clear language in the First Amendment to the United States Constitution forbidding the establishment of state religion. Now it seems that the best argument they can come up with is that granting marriage equality will somehow "neuter" their own heterosexual marriage. How? They can't answer. So they lie. In fact, granting marriage equality raises marriage from a privilege to the solid dignity and sacred power of a right, and so empowers heterosexual marriage as well as homosexual marriage.

A dear friend of mine in California – a woman who has dedicated her life to improving family relations and communication for all parents and children (my god, that sounds so cold, relative to the warmth and power of her love) – wrote in a letter recently, that her heart was breaking at the thought of losing her marriage. She married 12 years ago, and remarried, legally, on her twelfth anniversary. This is a woman who has saved countless marriages, through her teaching and work. My heart is breaking, too, as I write this, at the thought that her own marriage may be stolen.

Please, let's put an end to this fight, and go on to deal with the really serious problems our nation faces. If you can, go to and make a donation. Call anyone you know in California and ask them to vote NO on 8. And if you're in California, please, vote for equality for all.

Proposition H8 is not the end – it is only the beginning. Every time something like this happens, we feel more energized, more convicted, more determined. We are not going away. We, your lesbian, gay, and trans neighbors, will continue to laugh, to love, to raise our families, and fight for equality.



Anonymous said...

I have good feelings about this... I feel it's catching on.....

At least......I really really hope so.

dlq1985 said...

subantwe are America! land of the Free! we are going through YET ANOTHER period of growth in YET ANOTHER generation....if you do your research, there was a proposition put out years ago to keep only "whites" to marry "white" and "blacks" to marry "blacks" or "japanese" to marry "Japanese"...and so on because for some IGNORANT reason it was proposed that the color of our skin would help keep our marraiges more "SECURE"......we are human beings and we are on our own journies through life let us make our own decisions of who we want to marry! wether it be same sex our not, look back at our previous errors in PROPS! they fell through for a reason- IGNORANCE! we are humans not animals who should not be told how to live our lives! at least not like this....

op-ed said...

Seda: Now it seems that the best argument they can come up with is that granting marriage equality will somehow "neuter" their own heterosexual marriage.

Where do I ever talk about my own marriage to you?

How? They can't answer.

I explained my terms. It is you who left questions unanswered.

You are free to believe in whatever you want, but please don't misrepresent the other side of the debate.

Seda said...

"Where do I ever talk about my own marriage to you?"

Good point. I think maybe I generalized from others' comments, or misunderstood you. I apologize for any misunderstanding.

Sorry I took so long to reply. I've been busy with Halloween, playing with my kids, dealing with their sugar highs, yard work, cooking, and so forth. I did reply to your comment on your blog.

Jane Know said...

Nice blog. :-) Do you mind if I link it to mine?

ps-I wouldn't waste time trying to argue with Opine. You seem like a nice person, and they are full of ingenuity.

Fannie said...

"Proposition H8 is not the end – it is only the beginning. Every time something like this happens, we feel more energized, more convicted, more determined."

I'm right there with you, Seda! We will have equality one day. Even though we lost on all 3 ballot initiatives this time around, we are losing less badly than 4 and 8 years ago.

Seda said...

Jane and Fannie,
Thanks for the kind words. As far as Opine goes, I'm hoping for a David-vs.-Goliath miracle, but I don't expect anything except we'll go a few rounds and end up either agreeing to disagree or disagreeing to disagree. Any feedback you'd like, if you can stand to watch, would be nice.

Ultimately, we'll win on the ground - by being visible, out, and demonstrating to them that we are their neighbors, friends, family, that we want to protect families as much as they do and that they really don't have that much to fear. In the meantime, let's also really listen to them, and try to see their humanity and the needs that they are seeking to protect. It's hard sometimes, when ours are so threatened, but if we can do that, I think we'll build trust, and that trust will make the difference.
Be well.

Fannie said...


I haven't much time to watch your debate with the Opiners, but from what I've seen you've shown a lot of patience and civility with them and that's very admirable. I am encouraged in your call for greater empathy and compassion from all sides of this debate.

I wish you the best of luck.

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.
~Helen Keller

Reading List for Information about Transpeople

  • Becoming a Visible Man, by Jamison Green
  • Conundrum, by Jan Morris
  • Gender Outlaw, by Kate Bornstein
  • My Husband Betty, by Helen Boyd
  • Right Side Out, by Annah Moore
  • She's Not There, by Jennifer Boylan
  • The Riddle of Gender, by Deborah Rudacille
  • Trans Liberation, by Leslie Feinberg
  • Transgender Emergence, by Arlene Istar Lev
  • Transgender Warriors, by Leslie Feinberg
  • Transition and Beyond, by Reid Vanderburgh
  • True Selves, by Mildred Brown
  • What Becomes You, by Aaron Link Raz and Hilda Raz
  • Whipping Girl, by Julia Serano
I have come into this world to see this:
the sword drop from men's hands even at the height
of their arc of anger
because we have finally realized there is just one flesh to wound
and it is His - the Christ's, our