I had a good day today, mostly. Went to short school and learned about fire resistive construction, which is a subject I'm starting to get really interested in. Then I went to see my supervisors get a human rights award from the city for helping with my transition. I got a hug from a rather senior city official - good to have friends in high places! I live in a good place.
I think I stuck my foot in it, though - not there, but earlier. I don't know why I try to talk to Christians. (I'm speaking of fundamentalist Christians, of course. Most Christians are compassionate and accepting. Very confusing, really, that they all use the same word to describe such vastly different world-views and religions.)
What can you do when someone's world-view is based on believing that you don't exist? Just by by stripping off the mask of deceit that brought me to the brink of suicide, I'm too big a threat to them to ever connect or have any meaningful dialogue at all. It’s painful to realize that. I’d really like to believe there’s more hope, that love can move them, that there is common ground somewhere to be found. But I'm starting to see, from experience, and Sally Kerns, and Concerned Women for America, and the American Family Research Council, ad nauseum, that they're at war with me, and have no interest in connecting with me, only with eliminating me from their lives and their world - and if I don't defend myself, if I don't fight that war back, I'll suffer the consequences.
Yet I keep trying, longing, to talk, to connect, to explain that I just want to be free to be who I am, and to be safe in my own community and society, and that I think it's just fine they're who they are, and I'd really like it if they were safe, too.
Silly me. When a fundamentalist Christian sees me, he has no choice but to question her own worldview, and that of his pastor and friends, or kill me (either figuratively or literally speaking). And it's a hell of a lot easier to kill me.
Why don't I get it?
Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.
Reading List for Information about Transpeople
- Becoming a Visible Man, by Jamison Green
- Conundrum, by Jan Morris
- Gender Outlaw, by Kate Bornstein
- My Husband Betty, by Helen Boyd
- Right Side Out, by Annah Moore
- She's Not There, by Jennifer Boylan
- The Riddle of Gender, by Deborah Rudacille
- Trans Liberation, by Leslie Feinberg
- Transgender Emergence, by Arlene Istar Lev
- Transgender Warriors, by Leslie Feinberg
- Transition and Beyond, by Reid Vanderburgh
- True Selves, by Mildred Brown
- What Becomes You, by Aaron Link Raz and Hilda Raz
- Whipping Girl, by Julia Serano