Yesterday I woke up to the beauty and silence of gently falling snow. Not a breath of wind stirred the air. Big flakes dropped straight down. In this part of Oregon, we rarely see snow, and when we do, it’s usually just a skiff or a few inches; but this snow kept on and on, until midafternoon, when a good six inches covered the ground, turning everything white and still.
Kristin got up and wrote three powerful poems. Just like that. Three of them. Beauty flows through her like water through an open pipe.
Before too long, the kids and I were out in the snow. We made a snowman, then went to visit our neighbors and warm up by their fire. The kids started making a snow fort, until another friend came along with his parents, riding a sandboard they were using as a sled. We gathered a sled, too, and went along.
The sled we brought was a blow-up one, and I had to push it down the hill to make it move. Not much fun. My son's pants got wet, and he was getting cold. But finally, he got a ride on his friend's sled – zooming down the hill in fine fashion, until he hit the jump at the bottom! That was enough for him! He had snow in his boots, and just wanted to get home and warm up. We hoofed it home, leaving the others to follow behind.
At home, I tried to fix the clogged drain in the bathroom, but found it was clogged somewhere way past the trap, and I couldn’t get to it. So I set off for rehearsal, for the Vagina Monologues performance I’m in.
Given the weather, I wasn’t about to ride my bike. So I walked. Twenty blocks later, muttering my lines under my breath, I got to the rehearsal room and found it cancelled.
I sat for a time, and rested.
And then I started the long walk back.
It was beautiful. Twilight was coming on, and the snow painted the city in a new light. I took my time, enjoying life, and reflecting.
I realized that I like myself. I like who I am, and the choices I make. I love that I am coming into my womanhood. I love that I chose to walk twenty blocks through the snow for rehearsal, rather than calling it off or driving. I love that I have a family that is close and warm.
The sky cleared off in the west. Blue showed through the clouds, and then faded as night took over, falling as gently as the snow.
Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.
Reading List for Information about Transpeople
- Becoming a Visible Man, by Jamison Green
- Conundrum, by Jan Morris
- Gender Outlaw, by Kate Bornstein
- My Husband Betty, by Helen Boyd
- Right Side Out, by Annah Moore
- She's Not There, by Jennifer Boylan
- The Riddle of Gender, by Deborah Rudacille
- Trans Liberation, by Leslie Feinberg
- Transgender Emergence, by Arlene Istar Lev
- Transgender Warriors, by Leslie Feinberg
- Transition and Beyond, by Reid Vanderburgh
- True Selves, by Mildred Brown
- What Becomes You, by Aaron Link Raz and Hilda Raz
- Whipping Girl, by Julia Serano